Cherish your Spouse

This past week for a class, I read a parable given by Elder Boyd K. Packer, and I thought it was a really interesting parable and really helped me cherish my spouse.  The parable is from his talk titled For Time and All Eternity and was given in the October of 1993 General Conference.  

"Once a man received as his inheritance two keys. The first key, he was told, would open a vault which he must protect at all cost. The second key was to a safe within the vault which contained a priceless treasure. He was to open this safe and freely use the precious things which were stored therein. He was warned that many would seek to rob him of his inheritance. He was promised that if he used the treasure worthily, it would be replenished and never be diminished, not in all eternity. He would be tested. If he used it to benefit others, his own blessings and joy would increase.

The man went alone to the vault. His first key opened the door. He tried to unlock the treasure with the other key, but he could not, for there were two locks on the safe. His key alone would not open it. No matter how he tried, he could not open it. He was puzzled. He had been given the keys. He knew the treasure was rightfully his. He had obeyed instructions, but he could not open the safe.

In due time, there came a woman into the vault. She, too, held a key. It was noticeably different from the key he held. Her key fit the other lock. It humbled him to learn that he could not obtain his rightful inheritance without her.

They made a covenant that together they would open the treasure and, as instructed, he would watch over the vault and protect it; she would watch over the treasure. She was not concerned that, as guardian of the vault, he held two keys, for his full purpose was to see that she was safe as she watched over that which was most precious to them both. Together they opened the safe and partook of their inheritance. They rejoiced for, as promised, it replenished itself."[1]

The parable continues and explains how we can pass the treasure on to our children and how we can teach them about the keys and covenants that help us receive our inheritance.  I felt that the first half of the parable applied better to the topic of cherishing our spouse.  Just like the man and the woman who were able to receive their inheritance by not withholding anything from the other, if we cherish our spouse and do all that we can to make sure that we are fulfilling our covenants, we will be able to be blessed with the joy that only comes from being faithful and loyal to our spouse and eternal joy after this life in the Celestial Kingdom.  

There are lots of ways that we can cherish our spouse.  My wife and I always strive to show our gratitude for each other, and as we both work to make life easier for each other by helping each other do chores, prepare dinner, or whatever it may be, our marriage is strengthened through the love we show for each other.  It isn't always perfect but the amount of love and support we show for each other helps us overcome any obstacles we face.  

In closing, I encourage you all to continue reading the parable of the keys by Elder Packer.  As we do our part to be a covenant-keeping and faithful spouse, we will grow to cherish our spouse.

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[1] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1993/10/for-time-and-all-eternity?lang=eng

Negative Behaviors that Affect Marriage

In today's world, conflict in marriage often leads to divorce.  Marriage has become something very replaceable.  All the time couples give up on repairing their marriage because they don't think it is worth the effort, but I guarantee you it is worth the effort.  There will always be some king of contention in marriage.  Living with someone who was raised differently and has different habits will always cause contention between two people.  Dr. H. Wallace Goddard said in his book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage "Marriage is perfectly designed to provoke us to desperation. It will sometimes leave us injured and half-dead.  Priests and Levites-or therapists and advisors-will not ultimately rescue us.  They may give us helpful pointers, but they cannot change our souls."[1]  Now, this isn't to say that marriage counselors can't do anything, but rather, we need to be the ones to strive to improve our marriage.  Specifically, we need to try to allow the Atonement to come into our marriage.  As we do so, we will be more willing to forgive, to understand, and to trust, all of which will help any struggling relationship flourish.   
My wife and I have been married for almost two years.  My wife and I have been through a lot together, both good and bad.  Because we both are still in school, we haven't settled down anywhere, and during the past two summers, we have had to stay with both of our parents while working to save money.  If that doesn't sound like a trial by fire, then I don't know what is!  In all reality, it wasn't extremely tough, but it did have its moments where both of us had to grow accustomed to traditions we weren't used to in the other person's family.  In the long run, I think it has actually helped us to be more understanding of one another because we are familiar with how we each were raised.  
In closing, I remember what a friend of mine told me what his dad would say about his parent's marriage.  Whenever they were asked how long they had been married, he would tell them the actual length of time, followed by something along the lines of "it has only felt like a few minutes, but with my head underwater!"   It can feel like that sometimes, but there is a way for us to get air, or to even enjoy ourselves as long as we seek to get rid of all selfishness and strive to become the best version of ourselves, and the best friend of our spouses.

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[1] Drawing Heaven into our Marriage, Dr H. Wallace Goddard

Eternal Marriage

Marriage is a wonderful thing.  I myself have only been married for just over a year and a half, so some may say that is not long enough to really know if marriage is good or not, I disagree.  In my marriage, it is not all perfect, we definitely experience trials.  That is what always comes when two people start a family together, but this past year and a half has been the happiest of my life.  Now with how happy marriage can be, why should it be till death do us part? 

We know marriage doesn’t have to be over once we die.  We can be sealed to our spouse for time and all eternity if we are worthy and willing to do so in a temple by someone with the right authority from God.  Doing so not only allows us to be together forever but also makes us eligible to receive eternal life, the greatest of all the gifts of God, if we remain worthy and endure to the end.  This eternal perspective that we gain as we are sealed in the temple also helps couples to stay together when the tough times come.  Outside of the church, marriage is seen as something more temporary because it is till death do us part, but because of the seriousness and the length of temple marriages, when a couple gets married, they are expecting to be together for the long haul.  They are willing to give up a little more because of their perspective.   Elder Bruce C. Hafen said in his October 1996 talk titled Covenant Marriage, “Contract companions each give 50 percent, covenant companions each give 100 percent.” 

Becoming covenant companions can only happen inside a temple during the sealing ordinance.  The sealing ordinance is extremely important to us as a church as well because families are so important to God’s plan.  Because the sealing is what allows us to enter into the highest level in the Celestial kingdom, it is the single most important thing we can do after we have done everything else to prepare us to enter into the temple.  Quite often people get bad ideas about the temple because of the mysticism that surrounds temples.  People are confused when they can’t go in to see the wedding of their daughter or son.  This is because of the sacred acts that we perform in temples, specifically temple sealings.  President Benson said “The temple is a sacred place, and the ordinances in the temple are of a sacred character. Because of its sacredness we are sometimes reluctant to say anything about the temple to our children and grandchildren.”[1] 

During the sealing ordinance in the temple, we make sacred covenants to God and our spouse.  These covenants or promises are what help us advance, and the act of making them requires a great amount of faith because we do not know what exactly will be required of us in order to keep those covenants after getting sealed.  Elder Bruce C. Hafen also said in his talk, Covenant Marriage “marrying and raising children can yield the most valuable religious experiences of their lives.  Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith: they must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of them”  It is this faith that binds a husband and wife together as they trust each other and rely on each other to help fulfill the covenants they made in the temple. 

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[1] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1985/08/what-i-hope-you-will-teach-your-children-about-the-temple?lang=eng

In today’s society, same-sex attraction and same-sex marriage is a controversial topic. It is important to love everyone, but to stand up for what you believe and to support the things that God intended. In The Family, A Proclamation to the World it says, “The first commandment that God gave Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife.”[1]  Same-sex marriage directly conflicts with this commandment given to us because two people of the same gender cannot reproduce. Children also need the things that a woman brings to a family and the things that a man brings to a family. God intended us to be attracted to the opposite sex.  However, we must find the equilibrium between standing up for what we know is right and being kind and understanding.  We need to try to love both God by standing up for what we know is right and our neighbor by helping them and showing them love no matter what.

For a long time, same-sex attraction was considered to be a mental illness, but in the recent past, it changed to be an unchangeable characteristic. Dean Byrd, a psychologist, and member of the church says, “This was the first time in the history of healthcare that a diagnosis was decided by popular vote rather than scientific evidence.”[2] Because of this change, politically, society has been affected and traditional families are being attacked.  We also need to strive to understand that same-sex attraction isn’t always a choice, but a specific temptation certain people are prone to.  We must strive to help them all we can, and show them love and support like a true disciple of Jesus Christ.

In a video I watched recently, Alexander Dushku, an attorney talked about the implications that this has on religious freedom.  In the past when a ruling was made by the United States Supreme Court case, Obergefell v. Hodges and it had a large effect on society.  Generally, the ruling affects how the society views those for, and those in opposition of the ruling.  Those opposed are generally viewed as in the wrong because it has been ruled good by the supreme court.  In the case of same-sex marriage, our desire to teach our children what we believe will be contradicted in school.  What is viewed as sin is now acceptable and those who believe it is sin are seen as hateful.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believes that even though the world’s views are changing, “God’s purposes for establishing marriage have not changed.”  As members of the church, it is our duty to uphold marriage.  As President Nelson said; “Disciples of the Lord are defenders of marriage”[3]

I know some people who are currently experiencing trials with this and I have seen how it has affected their families, but also how it affects them when they are treated rudely. It is hard to have people close to us not only experience same-sex attraction and the trials involved with that but to act on those feelings in an unrighteous manner. Despite the pain that it might cause us, it is important to show them that you love them. We shouldn’t support what they are doing and definitely shouldn’t encourage it, but we can still love them.

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[1] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng

[2] https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/elder-bruce-c-hafen-speaks-on-same-sex-attraction#endref%20xii

[3]Russel M. Nelson, https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/russell-m-nelson/disciples-jesus-christ-defenders-of-marriage/