My wife and I are very different
people. We both are college students at the moment, but both of us are
studying completely different topics. I am currently studying computer
engineering and my wife is studying music with an emphasis on the violin, the
instrument she plays. My wife isn't very technical and almost always I am
the one who has to fix the tv or computer or whatever. I did take piano
lessons when I was younger but that is where my musical talents end. We
don't have any classes together except the occasional elective that we both
decide we want to take, and whenever we are home and talk about our classwork,
the other person is usually clueless. Being so different in hobbies and
fields of interest might seem like it can cause a lot of problems in
communicating because of how different we are, but we have been able to learn to
communicate by seeking to understand one another.
Mutual understanding is a very
important part of any relationship. Knowing what your spouse's goals and
desires are can provide insight into knowing why they want to do certain
activities instead of others. Also, not knowing your spouse's goals can
lead to gridlock, which Dr. John Gottman describes as being unable to
"accommodate these perpetual disagreements." [1]
These gridlocks can lead to big
arguments that can threaten the marriage.
Another important step to being able
to understand our spouse is to have charity. We are humans. We make
mistakes that can cause us or our loved ones harm. Charity helps us look past
those mistakes and sins and see our spouses as our Heavenly Father sees them,
with perfect love. Peter the Apostle described this when he said: "for charity shall cover a multitude of sins."[2]
This does not mean we should allow ourselves to be in abusive situations, but
that with charity we can see past the worldly mistakes that everyone
makes and be able to truly understand our spouses. This will help us
resolve any gridlock that may arise, and help us to have happier marriages, no
matter the situation.
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