One of the great ironies about the world that we currently live in is that so many people get married to the love
of their lives, and commit to supporting them, but after some time being married
they begin to turn away from each other, and eventually the person they loved
most has become the person they avoid most and try to spend the least amount of
time with. Marriage can be tough, but that is just part of living with
someone else. That is why it is so important to be emotionally connected
with your spouse.
An emotional connection means that
you are aware and familiar with what your spouse has going on in there life
currently, what their goals are, and what their beliefs are. Dr. John
Gottman said “A tendency to turn toward your partner is the basis of trust”[1]
He also recommends one way of improving
your emotional connection to your spouse in his book The Seven
Principles of Making Marriage Work called an emotional bank account[2].
Keep track of all the times your spouse tries to connect with you, such as
cooking together, shopping together, or listening to music together. They
all give plenty of opportunities to talk and spend time with your spouse which
helps connect you emotionally with your spouse.
My wife and I are both still college
students and sometimes our schedules can get busy, but we always try to make
time for each other. My wife is a music major, and because of this is
frequently busy with rehearsals and concerts. I study computer
engineering and frequently have to spend time working on projects on
campus. We both try to stay up to date with what is going on in each
other's life by doing stuff together whenever we can, and sometimes that just
means sitting on the couch together while we do homework. It still helps
just being together for us to feel more emotionally connected. Another
thing that helps is when we turn to each other instead of away when we are
faced with trials. We turn inwards by trying to focus on each other
rather than ourselves, for example, sometimes I finish my homework before my
wife, and I know something needs to get done before she can relax, like the
dishes getting done, I try to do it. Or if I'm busy working, my wife might prepare
dinner when I get home. Now, this doesn't always happen, but when it
does, we feel more grateful for, and more connected to each other because we are
trying to ease the other person's burdens. We feel like it is helping us
achieve what is written in D&C 64:33 "Wherefore, be not weary in
well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small
things proceedeth that which is great."[3]
[1] John
Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, pg 88
[2]
John Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, pg 94
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